One Brick builds service-oriented relationships
Leslie and Jay Kilian got to know each other at food banks and soup kitchens.
The San Francisco couple, who were on the giving end of the charities, credit volunteering for bringing them together as friends, then an engaged couple, newlyweds and now parents. Their son, Riley, was born in March.
"It seemed like a good way to meet good people who shared my values," says Jay, 33, a project manager at a software company.
As more people move, switch jobs or otherwise have to start over, they're turning to volunteer work to expand their social circles. They connect with others while serving their communities, giving them a shared sense of purpose that can lead to friendships and more.
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"It's important to find people who are like-minded and have similar interests and ideas about the world," says Leslie, 40, director of licensing and accreditation at a San Francisco hospital.
The Kilians met in 2005 through One Brick, a group that sets up volunteer opportunities that last three to four hours and require no extra time investment in training or long-term commitments.
One Brick has six chapters — Chicago, Minneapolis, New York, San Francisco, Seattle and Washington — and offers about 120 volunteer events a month, Executive Director Clive Charlwood says.
Its work is group activity, not solitary, and volunteers usually gather for coffee, lunch or drinks afterward, he says.
"The goal is to make the event itself a fun thing to do where you can meet other people," he says. "There are a lot of people, especially in their 20s and 30s, who move from one side of the country to the other. They get another job, and they don't know what to do next."
Meeting people through volunteering can provide a solid start to a relationship, says marriage coach Matt Townsend, founder of the Townsend Relationship Center in suburban Salt Lake City. People who volunteer are "more selfless than selfish" and don't put their own desires first, he says.
"The healthiest long-term relationships are service-oriented," Townsend says. "We look out for the needs of our partner and serve them regardless of what we're getting in return."
Firm foundation
The Kilians initially turned to One Brick because each wanted to make friends while making a difference.
They crossed paths sorting groceries at food banks and gardening at Golden Gate Park but really got to know each other after joining the management team. One Brick's managers supervise volunteer events and coordinate social get-togethers afterward.
They are among "dozens and dozens" of couples who met through One Brick in San Francisco, Jay says. They wed in November.
"What I want in my wife, my life partner, is somebody who thinks outside of themselves and contributes to society in some good way," Jay says.
The couple haven't been doing as much volunteering since Riley's birth, but both say they're committed to it and plan to bring their son along as he gets older.
"We want our child to grow up with the understanding that the world is not all sunshine and roses, and that there are people in situations who require our help," Leslie says.
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